I love lab!!

Two years on: The Demythologising of Lab Geek

2007-01-28T23:40:00.000Z

Stranger: "Are you THE [lab geek's real name] who did the [high impact factor journal] paper?"Lab Geek: " (pause) ... yes."Rather unexpected, given the completely non-lab and non-science context (they'd seen my name written down on a rota for something).Even more unexpectedly, there appeared to be a legend that had built up, about this wonderful student who'd produced a great thesis, written a

Things I no longer have to feel guilty about not reading.

2005-01-20T23:43:00.000Z

Date: Thu, 20 Jan 2005 14:23:35 -0800 From: science-mailer@liontamer.stanford.edu Subject: Science Table of Contents: Type 2 Diabetes: 307 (5708) SCIENCE, Volume 307, Issue 5708, Type 2 Diabetes ... ... ... *DELETED!!*

You may call me ...

2005-01-18T16:39:00.000Z

DOCTOR! (subject to minor corrections)

Thesis done.

2004-10-12T23:22:00.000+01:00

Handed in. Yay. Phew. All I have to do now is to make sure I've actually read my million or so references, rather than just the 'discussion' or 'conclusions' section ...

My small beta Greek cells and the lynx effect

2004-09-27T22:22:00.000+01:00

AKA "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." I've spent the last ten minutes musing on and off as to what a "small beta Greek cell" is. You know, musing on and off. Write a sentence here ... check my email ... wonder what a small beta Greek cell is ... check a BBS ... look at a webpage ... look at an abstract ... wonder what a small beta Greek cell is ... wonder where and why my housemate got that Boyzone

"That looks like a really scary roadmap"

2004-09-24T22:14:00.000+01:00

Picture the scene. You spend a few hours working out how to use a new and swanky program that will save you tons of time, and a while longer working out how to apply the effects you want in Paintshop Pro. And you are proud of your fabulous creation and can't wait for someone to come in so you can show them. Then someone wanders in and as you proudly demonstrate the fruits your hard day's work,

BLUSH

2004-09-23T11:56:00.000+01:00

I only just found out today that 1 Dalton = 1 atomic mass unit. I really should have known this a long long time ago (and quite possibly did)!

M's Law of Journals

2004-09-20T23:49:00.000+01:00

Another grand PhD theory. As described by 'M' in the pub the other day. M's law of journals : "In every edition of a journal, there is at least one article that is far more interesting than the paper you are supposed to be reading." Lab Geek's Corollary : "As your interest in the article discovered through M's law of journals tends to one, the likelihood of gaining credit from mentioning it in

Ancient Chinese Proverb

2004-09-16T14:40:00.000+01:00

Confucius he say : "Person who switch off fridge/freezer overnight - deserve to die long painful death." What good luck - I got told the other day by my absentviser to write up what I've got and stop doing lab work. What bad luck - I was going to be fiddling with stuff in the lab while doing this to see if I could ascend the (n-1)th and nth steps of my current (n-stage) project. What good luck

Lab Dreams #1

2004-08-20T17:47:00.000+01:00

I occasionally have lab dreams. Like the one last night, where I discovered that the reason my expreiments haven't been working was because I was using DDT (the banned pesticide) instead of DTT (the reducing agent). Easy mistake to make. I checked today and unfortunately this isn't the case. So I still need to work out what's not quite right.

Phrases with different meanings #1

2004-08-19T12:57:00.000+01:00

"I just made some up." Positive meaning : In reference to proximity in time and buffers. Negative meaning : In reference to merely and results.

Disconceiving misconceptions

2004-08-17T12:42:00.000+01:00

Misconception 1 : "That sounds interesting." It's not. Misconception 2 : Anything that involves columns, male to female connectors and domed nuts must be inherently hilarious. It's not. Misconception 3 : Urea smells bad. I have 5kg of the stuff. It doesn't. But you do. :-p Misconception 4 : Asking me when I'm planning to finish is a good conversation starter. It's not. Misconception 5 : I

Lab band names

2004-08-13T13:00:00.000+01:00

So there I was, trying to find a cheap source of some lovely stuff to make my protein's His tag stop holding hands with some Ni2+ ions. As you do. And I discovered that there used to be a rock band called imizadole. Unfortunately they have now split up, but you can still listen to the MP3s. So I've just whiled away a few happy minutes flicking through the Sigma catalogue to see what other

Aluminium frames are nice and light.

2004-07-16T10:29:00.000+01:00

So you looked at the timestamp on the last couple of posts and predicted that I would do something stupid today? *Bing* (At least it gives me something to write about.) So I arrived at the building for a meeting with my supervisor this morning. *Pockets* ... No keys! ... No time to go back and get them! ... Probably couldn't get back into my own house anyway even if I did! It must

STUPID AUTOCORRECT!!!

2004-07-16T03:15:00.000+01:00

So then I notice that I turned on Autocorrect in Word for a bit so that I could make some arrows by typing '-->'. And forgot to turn it back off. And it has changed my prolines into pralines ARGH!! And my II into Ii. Which wouldn't be so bad, if Ii wasn't something that II could bind to - they're completely different things! BOOOOO!!!!! Do sane people get urges to murder paperclips?!

chapter_4_new_and_shiny3.doc (tick)

2004-07-16T03:12:00.000+01:00

Why no posts recently? Because I realised that (blog words) + (thesis words) = total word count for the day. And that I could write 4500 thesis words in three days if I didn't write anything here. Or something like that. Anyway, that's another chapter out of the way, so maybe I'll be around a bit more.

Thesis typo of the day

2004-06-29T00:43:00.000+01:00

"polypraline twist" Presumably the outward expression of a subliminal sugar craving.

Online updates

2004-06-23T16:39:00.000+01:00

There are two kinds of online updates that can grab my attention. One is sport - the lab radio can only really be on a sports channel if I'm the only one around. And the other is order tracking and stuff like that - it's nice to know when things are going to be ready. In an odd twist, these two came together the other day. There's a big footy tournament on at the moment in Portugal (as you might

Online ordering

2004-06-22T11:12:00.000+01:00

I love online ordering. The drop-down boxes are so easily filled in. On many databases around the world I am already a Professor!

Lab embarassments #4 - THE VICTORY JIG!

2004-06-21T23:44:00.000+01:00

There is a greater than 10% chance that it might have gone right at last. You get butterflies for 40 minutes pacing, waiting for the electric field to do its stuff. The gel is there ... line it up with white light... on with the UV ... WOW! Look at the screen! Now it's printed it out, the gel can go and you know that the insert is in the plasmid for ever more. There's only one thing that can be

Exciting news!!

2004-06-19T19:06:00.000+01:00

When two people get engaged, they cannot contain their excitement and will not rest until they have told everyone they know. I just did that because my insert and vector got engaged. Sad, isn't it?!

Arallels and Panalogies

2004-06-18T11:19:00.000+01:00

I don't know if I'm the only person this happens to. When I'm tired and have been concentrating on something for a long time then switch to something else, I see all sorts of parallels between the two. This preamble is an apology in advance for what is to come. Like the start of a meeting with your supervisor. :-) Anyway ... The thing I'd been doing for ages was trying to get inserts into

When something works

2004-06-17T01:55:00.000+01:00

Lab Geek is currently trying to fathom which scenario is more satisfying. (1) You try something, find out it has worked first time at 2pm, and go for a long coffee break. (2) You try something several times over the course of a few weeks, get increasingly panicked and frustrated, get sat on from above with a seemingly impossible deadline, and eventually get it to work at 2am the day before it

Things that make you feel productive in the lab, even if you aren't.

2004-05-25T15:36:00.000+01:00

Monday : Writing down what you are planning to do this week. Wednesday : Writing down your new plan on Wednesday. Friday : Writing down what you actually did. Making an extra gel or two and sticking them in the fridge 'for later'. Running a gel. Finding 1200 words you wrote for something else and pasting them into your thesis. Printing off a paper and stapling it. Tracking down an obscure journal

Silly Paper Title of the Day

2004-05-12T23:03:00.000+01:00

"Hyperactive antifreeze protein in a fish" Nature 429, 153 (13 May 2004) (So, actually, it should be silly paper title of tomorrow!)

Lab brings out the worst in me ...

2004-05-11T22:53:00.000+01:00

Forget road rage, air rage, naighbour rage, and rage against the machine. The in rage for 2004 is lab rage. What else would make mild-mannered lab geek spend almost 30 seconds taunting an acrylamide gel about how it was about to have TWO HUNDRED VOLTS put through it, and that it could see how it would like that, and that it would stop it making my life unpleasant for 50 minutes? At least it's

Bin Raker

2004-05-11T12:03:00.001+01:00

One of the fundamental rules of lab is to never throw anything out until you are sure you don't need it. Practically, this means that any old rubbish you generate takes up lots of space in a variety of fridges / freezers until you move out. Sometimes you forget to clear stuff out and it remains there for years - everyone is too frightened to throw it out because it has someone else's name on it.

Jam at A

2004-05-05T17:44:00.000+01:00

Regular readers of the Guardian newspaper will be familiar with Graham Rawle's Lost Consonants cartoons. Recently, he has started a new series on a similar theme called Vowel Movements. I have one for him. "Network printer." Now, obviously, this has been subject to a vowel movement, as the first 'e' should be an 'o'. Exhibit A - the printer where you need to remove the toner cartridge every

Living in lab

2004-04-29T14:51:00.000+01:00

Now, I have to admit to having slept over in the office on a few occasions when I have succunbed to the lure of the lab. But this guy has apparently been sleeping in the New York Uni library since September. Which is a bit over and above the call of duty for an undergrad.

Incremental backups

2004-04-29T11:12:00.000+01:00

Most people learn the hard way that it is all too easy to overwrite, corrupt, lose or otherwise completely obliterate days of work. My most gutting experience was not write-protecting the Elite floppy and ruining it by forgetting to swap discs before saving a commander file. Pah. Anyway, the years flew by, and these days I avoid accidents by using incremental filenames and backing everything up

Lab's most wanted #1

2004-04-28T14:53:00.000+01:00

Oh how I wish I had ... A search engine for the papers on my desk.

How Word can ruin your life in four keystrokes

2004-04-27T16:39:00.000+01:00

ctrl-A, ctrl-X, ctrl-S, Alt-F4 Ta-da! (Don't worry, I haven't actually done this, and know the meaning of the word 'backup'.)

Productivity

2004-04-27T13:35:00.000+01:00

How wonderful, I just increased the word count of chapter 4 by 1788 words! How disappointing, they are the same 1788 words I had removed from chapter 3 seconds before.

Oh, poo!

2004-04-23T20:50:00.000+01:00

Today, Lab Geek was reporting on the exciting happenings of the day to Younger Sister, who was on the other end of the phone and hanging on every word (that's what "I'll humour you" means, yes?). "I was in the building, reading other peoples theses." *pause* "You were doing WHAT with other people's FAECES?!?!"

Thesis typo of the day

2004-04-21T10:42:00.000+01:00

Today - the nasal mucosal secretions of a female deer ... or a negation? "doe snot" What is even better is that the spellchecker doesn't bat an eyelid.

Piece of random head-fluff that fell out

2004-04-19T14:33:00.000+01:00

As I was sitting on a bus the other day (on my way into lab of course) I saw loads of Mums and Dads with pushchairs waiting at a row of bus stops. It dawned on me for the first time ever that just about everyone in the Western world must have been wheeled around at some point in their life. Apart from the fact that that most small-people-transportation devices are comfortable and not

Quirky snack machine RIP

2004-04-15T17:40:00.000+01:00

It is mandatory for every departmental coffee room to have one. They are rarely seen in the real world, apart from the odd guest appearance at the kind of railway station that noone ever gets on at. Like all equipment found in the lab world, a certain pleasure can be gained from mastering their strange foibles. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce the quirky snack (or drink) machine. Key

Words I always get wrong the first time

2004-04-07T14:22:00.000+01:00

It's aperture, not apeture! No matter how it's pronounced!

I FINISHED MY PHD - WOOOO-HOOOO!!!!!!!

2004-04-01T22:07:00.000+01:00

BLOCK CAPS AT THE READY - YOU CAN CALL ME DR. LAB GEEK FROM NOW ON, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!! Ha, had you fooled didn't I?! What do you mean no? Not even for a millisecond. Too implausible, wasn't it? Ah well. Better luck next year.

Made-up thesis word of the day

2004-03-31T16:28:00.000+01:00

'pre-postrefinement'

Lab embarassments #3

2004-03-30T22:17:00.000+01:00

Top tip of the day. If the feel of a pipette in your hand leads to a labcoat-and-gloves-clad javelin run-up down the length of a deserted lab, make sure there aren't any random passers-by at the window first. *Sheepish grin and little wave.*

Lab embarassments #2 - The Cubby-hole

2004-03-29T16:30:00.000+01:00

Most labs have a bench that is more like a cupboard in that when someone is working at it, they cannot be seen from most angles. Bear this in mind while reading this jaunty tale - it is important. Once I had finished multiplying my Saturday plans, I went in, received an SMS, made a phone call to sort out some more social plans, wandered around a bit, head in the clouds ... then rounded a corner!

More multiplication.

2004-03-29T16:14:00.000+01:00

Inevitably, I ended up multiplying my plan by the following vector : (bed/lab, 1, lab/social + 1) Always the best-laid ones, innit?!

Plans for Saturday in thesis-speak

2004-03-26T19:28:00.000Z

After an initial arbitrary suggestion, the parameters were refined using Friendscape v1.0, and an optimised Saturday was decided upon. This involved the matrix multiplication of the original time-activity vector as follows : (lab, social, lab) x ( 1 0 0 ) ( 0 0 1 ) ( 0 1 0 ) , where the three components of the time-activity vector represent (morning,

Thesis phrase of the day

2004-03-25T20:58:00.000Z

"... it gave a measure of the degree of nonisomorhpism." "As long as I don't start actually speaking like that, I'll be OK," Lab Geek mused while obtaining 300ml of H2O that had been incubated at 100 °C in a filamented heating device.

Now ... why didn't I think of that before?!

2004-03-24T13:24:00.000Z

This just has to be quote of the day. It made me laugh out loud (literally), anyway. "I hope you have had fun with your protein. You can buy protein from the shops if you have trouble with it." Genius! :-)

How not to do science

2004-03-23T22:42:00.000Z

Publish as first author in a really good journal (Cell), receive the plaudits, and move on to your next place of work. When your old boss asks you two years later why he can't duplicate your results, tell him that you didn't actually do most of the experiments, and for the ones you did do, you got the opposite result from what you published! It would never really happen like that, would it?!

'Word' of the day

2004-03-18T10:58:00.000Z

"Over-pre-emptive."

Lab personality test!

2004-02-26T23:59:00.000Z

Do others see you as a co-worker or a cow-orker? Are you a joy to be around, or do you induce feelings of doom and despair to those you come in contact with? This simple test will reveal all ... (1) You want to use some glassware. But there are none of the particular item you want in the cupboard! However, one of the other members of your lab has spent several hours making up and sterilising the

Disclaimer!

2004-02-25T14:58:00.000Z

"I-love-lab!!" is a hyperbolic parody, the musings of a final (?) year PhD student inspired by the events occuring around them. It is not biographical or autobiographical. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental (though most "persons" referred to exist in every lab). In short - please don't be worried about all the things I mentioned in my previous post, as they're not

You know you're spending too much time in lab when ...

2004-02-24T01:25:00.000Z

Your housemates look at you with puzzlement when you come in, as they have no recollection of you living there. The backs of your hands are aglow with nappy rash from wearing gloves 24/7. You jump out of your skin at any small splashing sounds, convinced you have just lost your last week's-worth of work. You blink, lost and bewildered, if the conversation going on around you is not about your

Phrase of the day

2004-02-23T17:50:00.000Z

"Lab-induced glazed-overness."

The lab meanings of everyday phrases.

2004-02-23T00:00:00.000Z

"Ooh it was ten times worse than last time!" This is a phrase that is often churned out as a result of a bad day. But it's meaningless - how on earth can such a thing be quantified in every-day life? Unless you're doing a PhD, and the yield from a protocol drops from 10% to 1%. "Ooh, it was a million times worse than last time!" Which, translated, means that you should write up an MSc and

Lab Geek in 'Technically correct but useless answer' shocker

2004-02-11T12:47:00.000Z

"How long ees wan foot?" enquired a foreign colleague puzzling over a protocol written by someone else. (Pronunciation and emphasis as indicated.) "Twelve inches," I replied without thinking. How useful to him! As useful as a quote for equipment in shillings!

The Go-Between

2004-02-04T09:04:00.000Z

One of the truely wonderful things about having your supervision split between about five people, none of whom are really in charge, is that you end up being asked to pass difficult messages on by people who would rather not give them the personal touch. "Oh, when you meet with person x, can you mention that our grant ran out last month, and ask for more money?" That kind of thing. You feel

One thesis to the tune of another

2004-01-22T13:13:00.000Z

Lab Geek is trying to write a thesis. Time Geek is also trying to write a thesis. We are working in completely different fields, different departments, different parts of the city However, as is always the case when great minds get together, yesterday we came up with a very cunning plan. Why not swap theses, add a chapter to the other person's, then swap back again? Trying to ape the other

Lab equation

2004-01-20T14:33:00.000Z

Pubmed + Google + Robot Scientist + MegaHAL = PhD Student.

Discovery of the week!

2004-01-20T14:27:00.000Z

Pubmed is great. In fact, it is downright wonderful. A repository of abstracts from the fields of biology and medicine which links to the full text of the articles (if your institution subscribes to the prointed version). It's searchable. It runs my life for me. Pubmed can also be used to find gaps in your field - areas of potential research that remain untouched by human hand. Now, Lab Geek

It didn't surprise me, for one.

2004-01-15T22:51:00.000Z

The headline on the BBC News website : "Robot scientist proves its worth". The article reveals what researchers already knew - that for a boring repetitive lab task, a robot can be designed that outperforms humans. It doesn't get bored, tired or hungry. It doesn't pipette from the wrong bottle. It doesn't mislabel tubes. It doesn't drop things on the floor and stand on them. However, the article

Lift pneumodynamics!

2004-01-14T23:24:00.000Z

Question. An amply-bosomed lady gets into a large empty lift in your department just before you do. Having pressed the button for the floor she wants (which is below the floor you want) she stands right next to the buttons instead of retreating to the bowels of the lift like normal people do. As you hear the mechanical words "doors are closing..." accompanied by the alarming shuddering (that

Chair Wars!!!

2004-01-13T21:52:00.000Z

Any lab that is not brand new has its own range of odd furnishings. I speak, of course, of the humble lab chair. The lab chair is no ordinary chair. As benches are high so that you can work at them standing up and avoid tipping experiments into your lap, lab chairs also have to be high for the "rare" occasions you are not doing practical work, or want to work sitting down to rest your weary

Shattered?

2004-01-05T08:53:00.000Z

Lab Geek has just found out about a new Channel 4 TV show called Shattered. Catchphrase : You snooze, you lose." Participants have already been sleep-deprived for 36 hours before entering a 'lab' where they are observed in "Big Brother" style. The aim is to stay awake for a further week to win #100,000. It all sounds very like the latter stages of a PhD. Except for the description of the 'lab'

It must be my lucky day!

2004-01-02T18:13:00.000Z

You know when you drop something very small then spend ages looking for it? A few weeks ago, Lab Geek's glasses self-destructed, leading a nice dinner for three turning into a group crawl under tables and chairs and the quote "I knew you had a loose screw - I just didn't realise there was one in your glasses too." Well, int he lab it's even worse. Lab cleaners rub around with their big brushy

Great Patentable Ideas #2

2004-01-02T00:54:00.000Z

A lab clippy that actually helps. "It looks like you are trying to run a gel! And you're doing it all wrong! Here is a gel template. May I suggest increasing the voltage by a power of ten?" "It looks like your lab book has not been updated for a two weeks!" [I'll make something up] [You make something up] [Start a new book]" "It looks like you've had no sleep and are about to do something

Things you only realise when you are in lab during the holidays

2003-12-30T00:38:00.000Z

There are settings other than "arctic" on the air conditioning unit. Farewell second jumper ... I'll miss you ... NOT. I really really really do not miss hearing the moaningly awful "Pass that Dutch" song seven times a day on the radio. It's funny how the temperature of a room can turn into a battleground. Some people have poor physiological homeostasis due to reaching core temperatures of up to

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me

2003-12-23T20:00:00.000Z

Twelve ways of dumbing (down), Eleven snipers sniping, Ten days of sleeping, Nine pay enhancments, Eight shades of milking, Seven pawns a-swimming, Six research day(ings), (dramatic pause) Five weddings. (dramatic pause) Four thousand words, Three bench pens, Two purple gloves, And a fully serviced FPLC. -- Sooner or later, in every lab there arrives someone who initially "is not

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me

2003-12-23T19:39:00.000Z

Eleven snipers sniping, Ten days of sleeping, Nine pay enhancments, Eight shades of milking, Seven pawns a-swimming, Six research day(ings), (dramatic pause) Five weddings. (dramatic pause) Four thousand words, Three bench pens, Two purple gloves, And a fully serviced FPLC. -- The sniper domineers in life, For it must have its way. It builds you up, then sticks a knife - Between

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love sent to me

2003-12-21T15:17:00.000Z

Ten days of sleeping, Nine pay enhancments, Eight shades of milking, Seven pawns a-swimming, Six research day(ings), (dramatic pause) Five weddings. (dramatic pause) Four thousand words, Three bench pens, Two purple gloves, And a fully serviced FPLC. -- It's that PhD work cycle thing again. Donotalotandanothernotalot ... workworkworkworkwork ... sleepsleepsleepsleeeeeeeep. Repeat

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love sent to me

2003-12-21T15:12:00.000Z

Nine pay enhancments, Eight shades of milking, Seven pawns a-swimming, Six research day(ings), (dramatic pause) Five weddings. (dramatic pause) Four thousand words, Three bench pens, Two purple gloves, And a fully serviced FPLC. -- I wish!!!!!

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love sent to me

2003-12-19T12:17:00.000Z

Eight shades of milking, Seven pawns a-swimming, Six research day(ings), (dramatic pause) Five weddings. (dramatic pause) Four thousand words, Three bench pens, Two purple gloves, And a fully serviced FPLC. -- Suppose you've done a reasonable piece of research. It is possible to milk this and publish a large number of papers that are largely the same. Although I believe in quality not

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me

2003-12-18T22:55:00.000Z

Seven pawns a-swimming, Six research day(ings), (dramatic pause) Five weddings. (dramatic pause) Four thousand words, Three bench pens, Two purple gloves, And a fully serviced FPLC. -- Through the Looking Glass. An Allegory. Here something began squeaking on the table behind Alice, and made her turn her head just in time to see one of the pawns roll over and begin kicking: she watched

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love sent to me

2003-12-17T11:30:00.000Z

Six research day(ings), (dramatic pause) Five weddings. (dramatic pause) Four thousand words, Three bench pens, Two purple gloves, And a fully serviced FPLC. -- Lab Geek's friend Mac Convert pointed out the other day that the 'PhD week' consists of six 28-hour days. I like that. Also, the fourth day entry needs an acknowledgement - Lab Geek's sister 'la Calisto' suggested the idea.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me

2003-12-16T09:54:00.000Z

Five weddings. (dramatic pause) Four thousand words, Three bench pens, Two purple gloves, And a fully serviced FPLC. -- Some time during the PhD process, everyone you knew from your undergraduate days gets married. Usually all at once and occasionally to each other. You then find yourself having to choose between five weddings every other weekend while feeling gently perturbed about the

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love sent to me

2003-12-15T16:58:00.000Z

Four thousand words, Three bench pens, Two purple gloves, And a fully serviced FPLC -- Thesis words of course. For whichever chapter is currently inducing writer's block. I wish.

On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me

2003-12-14T22:23:00.000Z

Three bench pens, Two purple gloves, And a fully serviced FPLC -- The bench pen is a mythical "wouldn't it be nice" creation. A pen with territorial instincts that screams penetratingly if it is removed from the bench, and kills the "borrower" if it is not returned within two minutes. Potentially lethal, but no more so than most useful contents of the common or garden lab.

On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me

2003-12-13T17:30:00.000Z

Two purple gloves, And a fully serviced FPLC. -- They'd be nitrile of course. "Foxy" (according to one colleague), phenol-proof and good if you suffer from a latex allegy. A cheap and cheerful stocking-filler.

On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me

2003-12-12T15:16:00.000Z

A fully serviced FPLC. -- And a set of manuals. And a column that works. And comprehensive training for all other users. Not that I'm bitter. I could have a new career. As an FPLC maintenance engineer. At least I'd get paid.

The 12 days of Christmas

2003-12-12T15:13:00.000Z

I know these are supposed to be the days between Christmas and epiphany, ie, after Christmas. But I'm going to do the days running up to Christmas, so tough! :-p Who wants a pear tree anyway - given that apples do more to stimulate your gamma-delta T cells (apparently)?! Five gold rings will probably end up in the bin with your gloves. Dancing and leaping are considered dubious and frowned upon

A fine lab limerick

2003-12-11T20:27:00.000Z

It never doth cease to amaze me That deoxyribonucleasey Can turn into me As daft as can be There must be a codon for 'crazy'.

Bad questions to ask #6 : "That sounds really interesting?"

2003-12-09T14:45:00.000Z

This may be uttered as a passing comment prior to changing the subject. But under no circumstances may you inflect your voice at the end of the sentence and look expectantly for a response. This implies that the PhD student who has just given you a 10-20 second summary of their project ought to agree with you. Believe me, they don't.

Everyone else's work is interesting ... so why isn't mine?

2003-12-09T14:40:00.000Z

I love other people's projects. Don't you? They are so interesting, with a spectrum of possibilities unfolding before them. Yep, they're so interesting that I even helped an engineer with MatLab programming last year, a hangover from my previous existence, when I was pure and unsullied by PhDdom. At least undergrad projects last for a term or two at the most! Deep down I know that if I actually

Bad questions to ask #3 : "You must have just started your second year, then?"

2003-12-08T09:10:00.000Z

never Never NEVER _ _ _______ _______ ____ | \ | | ____\ \ / / ____| _ | | \| | _| \ \ / /| _| | |_) | | |\ | |___ \ V / | |___| _ < |_| \_|_____| \_/ |_____|_| \_ mention the year of study!! You will end up being given a dirty look and an answer like "*cough*sixth*cough*". It is the diametrically opposite but equally bad big brother of : Bad questions to ask #4 : "Are you a

"Thesis Speak" of the day #1

2003-12-06T19:19:00.000Z

This occasional series is a testament to what writing a thesis has done to my use of English. Or even my English usage. We'll kick off with something that made me pleased when I thought of it (synonyms - yay!) then made me smile at the mental image it generated. TSOTD #1 : "enzymatic cleavage"

White Lab Coats

2003-12-02T21:03:00.000Z

One of the dandiest things about working in a lab is being able to wear a white coat. I strut and stride purposefully, with a shiny badge proudly proclaiming my right to be wandering around carrying odd-looking paraphernalia. I went to get a nice clean coat today, as the one I'd been wearing was looking a bit grubby in places, and Coomassie-stained in others. The replacement is a bit warmer,

Mega D'OH!!!!!!

2003-12-02T18:44:00.000Z

Today, Lab Geek managed to make the 'PCR Tube Mistake'. PCR tubes are very small and fiddly, being designed as they are to hold up to 150 microlitres (ie a bit over a tenth of a millilitre). To carry out a PCR (see the PCR Pixies entry below), you need to pipette seven reagents into each tube. When you are doing over 30 different PCRs, that's quite a lot of pipetting. Anyway, the 'PCR Tube

Is this an unknown piece of lab equipment which I see before me?

2003-11-27T13:24:00.000Z

Is this an unknown piece of lab equipment which I see before me, The part number toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee. I know not what thou art, and yet I see thee still. Art thou not, piece of equipment, useful? To experiments as to sight? or art thou but A random piece of junk, a false creation, Owned by someone who left the heat-oppressed lab Years ago, yet, as thou art palpable, Thine

Lab can make you HAPPY!!

2003-11-25T00:40:00.000Z

There is nothing quite like the feeling you get when you retrospectively realise you have done something naively or for the wrong reason, and have got away with it. The lab moments when I have worked through something from start to finish - yes, they are OK. But victory snatched from the jaws of defeat has extra elements of surprise and relief that make it that much sweeter. It turns out that

The PCR Pixies

2003-11-21T23:15:00.000Z

No account of lab would be complete without at least an introduction to the PCR Pixies. Unlike Maxwell's Demon these mythical creatures can actually have an effect ont he outcome of an experiment, in this case a polymerase chain reaction (PCR). PCR is a way of making lots of copies of a particular section of DNA. You design primers, which complement and stick on at each end of the strand you

True to form

2003-11-18T21:46:00.000Z

Of course I didn't go home immediately .... !

Late late lab

2003-11-18T21:17:00.000Z

It's 9pm, and I'm about to go home. The definition of how late lab is involves the addition of one 'late' for every two hours after 5pm. Hence the title of this post. When you get into the territory of late late late lab, that's when the danger starts. A state of battle-weariness means that the activation energy required to lift you out of your seat tends towards infinity. This is also

Lab embarassments #1

2003-11-18T15:39:00.000Z

Answering the phone with "Hello, funny farm" then realising the call was for a colleague.

Ode to Thesis Fodder

2003-11-14T12:53:00.000Z

Ode to Thesis Fodder by Lab Geek My head aches, and a drowsy numbness pains My sense, as though of LB-Amp I had drunk, Or emptied some dull Virkon into the drains Years passed, and extension-wards I had sunk: Tis not through want of trying, it's just that not a lot Hath worked, and in mine despair and unhappiness Thou, thesis fodder, are good to me, In some graph or plot Through Coomassie blue

Bad questions to ask #1 : "How's the PhD Going?"

2003-11-14T12:22:00.000Z

This is the number one question on a long-term lab inmate's "most hated" list, unless asked by another inmate at least two years into their own research, or by a friend skilled in the complex science of empathy who isn't just asking to be polite or "interested" or to give you the Spanish inquisition. The former can empathise and offer practical help like "I usually leave it on my bench over the

Where have all the useful items gone?

2003-11-12T21:00:00.000Z

When I started my PhD, I wanted to buy a spatula. I was advised by a friendly post-doc to buy ten of each of three sizes, to "saturate the market". "How weird," I thought, but took his advice anyway. How many spatulas do I have now? One medium, two small. It's the same with pens. I got 10 new bic biros from the stock cupboard the other week, and don't know where any of them are now. At one point

Indications that you are spending too much time in lab #1

2003-11-10T11:58:00.000Z

When you put your door access card in a cash machine. D'oh. At least it spat the card back out again.

What is THE THESIS?

2003-11-07T15:49:00.000Z

As a previous post implied, the content of a PhD thesis would change dramatically if the candidate was required to write up everything they did in the lab, with chapter size in proportion to the amount of time, toil and tears spent in pursuit of the ultimate goal. (NB: The title of this post is taken from this edition of Piled Higher and Deeper (PhD).) Chapter 1 - Introduction (15 pages)

Great patentable Ideas #1

2003-11-07T15:07:00.000Z

Google> Your search - coomassie slush puppie - did not match any documents. Cool!

Why does a PhD take 3+ years??

2003-11-07T12:17:00.000Z

Take a look in any PhD thesis. You're boudn to think "ooh, this must have taken a few months at most". It probably did. So why do they take so long? Writer's block at the end? Well, partially, but take a delve behind the scenes with me today as I share some of the deepest darkest secrets of PhDdom. This week, for example, has been a case of aggregation aggravation. I ran a protein down the FPLC

The airwaves - Things that ought to be banned from lab radio

2003-11-07T09:34:00.000Z

Songs that go "uh oh .... uh oh ... ouh oh ... uh oh ...". Songs that go "ooooooooeeeeeeee oooooooooeeeeee ooee oooooooooooooooooooeee". Songs whose rhythm goes "cha cha-cha cha, cha cha cha-cha cha, cha cha". Songs that require you raise your hands if you possess a fifty doller bill. Dude! Songs that contain quotes from nursery rhymes. Nickelback songs that all sound the same. Radio station

The Fire and motion approach to lab

2003-11-06T10:34:00.000Z

I had this URL passed on to me by a reader in response to the 'getting on with things' post. Fire and motion I think the heading means that I should make extensive use of a bunsen, while taking more toilet breaks. I shall put this methodology into practice and report back tomorrow.

I love lab!!

Two years on: The Demythologising of Lab Geek

Things I no longer have to feel guilty about not reading.

You may call me ...

Thesis done.

My small beta Greek cells and the lynx effect

"That looks like a really scary roadmap"

*BLUSH*

M's Law of Journals

Ancient Chinese Proverb

Lab Dreams #1

Phrases with different meanings #1

Disconceiving misconceptions

Lab band names

Aluminium frames are nice and light.

STUPID AUTOCORRECT!!!

chapter_4_new_and_shiny3.doc (tick)

Thesis typo of the day

Online updates

Online ordering

Lab embarassments #4 - THE VICTORY JIG!

Exciting news!!

Arallels and Panalogies

When something works

Things that make you feel productive in the lab, even if you aren't.

Silly Paper Title of the Day

Lab brings out the worst in me ...

Bin Raker

Jam at A

Living in lab

Incremental backups

Lab's most wanted #1

How Word can ruin your life in four keystrokes

Productivity

Oh, poo!

Thesis typo of the day

Piece of random head-fluff that fell out

Quirky snack machine RIP

Words I always get wrong the first time

I FINISHED MY PHD - WOOOO-HOOOO!!!!!!!

Made-up thesis word of the day

Lab embarassments #3

Lab embarassments #2 - The Cubby-hole

More multiplication.

Plans for Saturday in thesis-speak

Thesis phrase of the day

Now ... why didn't I think of that before?!

How not to do science

'Word' of the day

Lab personality test!

Disclaimer!

You know you're spending too much time in lab when ...

Phrase of the day

The lab meanings of everyday phrases.

Lab Geek in 'Technically correct but useless answer' shocker

The Go-Between

One thesis to the tune of another

Lab equation

Discovery of the week!

It didn't surprise me, for one.

Lift pneumodynamics!

Chair Wars!!!

Shattered?

It must be my lucky day!

Great Patentable Ideas #2

Things you only realise when you are in lab during the holidays

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love sent to me

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love sent to me

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love sent to me

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love sent to me

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love sent to me

On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me

On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me

On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me

The 12 days of Christmas

A fine lab limerick

BLUSH